upon them hath the light shined

i have been crying all day.  it isn't anything and at the same time it's the biggest battle i've ever had.  i can't name the cause.  i can't say this is why.  there's just this deep pool of sadness that i trip into.  i'm trying so hard but some days are just worse than others and i don't know why.  i watched a conference address by lorne c. dunn from april 1974 called holding on.  it was really good.  one of the things i am doing to hold on is to pray and study the scriptures.  today i had some doozy prayers. and then i blew my nose a lot and wiped my tears and settled in to study at renee's desk.  first i wrote down in my study journal about how i was feeling.  this is an excerpt, "i just have to hope that God can do it. that he can help me.  maybe if i just keep going, eventually i'll see the light, a change, maybe i'll have more good days than bad.  maybe i'll understand what to do.  maybe i'll have the courage to do it....i hope i can come out of these dark days."  then i stopped and looked up what was next on my list of scriptures to read.  it was isaiah 9:2

 "The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light: they that dwell in the land of the shadow of death, upon them hath the light shined."  i love this scripture.  it reminds me that there is salvation from darkness.  there are many kinds of darknesses.  it can be grief, or depression, or just being lost in life.  it can be the darkness of not knowing what to do or where to go, or how to act.  it can be discouragement, and lies that we start to believe about not being good enough or worthy of love, or whatever.  there are many forms and shades of darkness in this world.  and the shadow of death--there are many ways of dying.  it can be real physical death, or it can be separation and loss.  it can be death of something good inside of you, or the withering of your soul.  it can be losing the desire to really live.

but there is light.  and the source of all light is Jesus.  he is the light of the world.
For verily I say unto you that I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the light and the life of the world—a light that shineth in darkness and the darkness comprehendeth it not. --D&C  45:7
and if darkness is a kind of despair, then light is comfort.

Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.--matthew 5:4

O Lord my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me.

  O Lord, thou hast brought up my soul from the grave: thou hast kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit.

 Sing unto the Lord, O ye saints of his, and give thanks at the remembrance of his holiness.

  For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.--psalms 30:2-5

joy cometh in the morning.  i love that.  i hope in that because:

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlastingFather, The Prince of Peace. --isaiah 9:6